"For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling; I will walk before the LORD in the land of the living." Psalm 116:8&9
If you have read any of my other posts, you know that Psalm 116 is a passage that God used to instruct and encourage my heart while Barry was in the hospital and after he passed away. While Barry was in the ICU, I read Psalm 116 over him continually, begging God for his healing and restoration. My desire was to see him walk out of that hospital. He did not.
Over and over again, in the reading I have done on grief, I see the same analogy used for how it feels to loose someone close to you - an amputation. Scripture tells us that when two people are married, they become one. Barry and I were truly one. And the day he died, a piece of me died. Now, I have to relearn how to live life without him. I have to learn how to again walk before the Lord in the land of the living.
Today is May 5. It has been two months since Barry died. And today, my sweet baby girl finally took her first steps. They were shaky and unconfident. She only took about 4 steps before she fell. And then, she tried again.
I am amazed at how the Lord gently speaks to me. I am amazed at his grace and mercy. I think it is no accident that Layla took her first steps today. It was God's gentle way of reminding me that though I feel like my legs have been amputated and I have no business walking in the land of the living, he will help me learn to walk again. He has saved my soul from death through the death of His Son. I will stop crying one day. And though tragedy has caused me to stumble, I can and will walk again - with confidence.
By the end of the week, I'm sure Layla will be walking all over this house. And then she will run. It may take me a little longer, but I have faith that I too will be walking again soon. And because of the faithfulness and generosity of God, one day I will run.
If you have read any of my other posts, you know that Psalm 116 is a passage that God used to instruct and encourage my heart while Barry was in the hospital and after he passed away. While Barry was in the ICU, I read Psalm 116 over him continually, begging God for his healing and restoration. My desire was to see him walk out of that hospital. He did not.
Over and over again, in the reading I have done on grief, I see the same analogy used for how it feels to loose someone close to you - an amputation. Scripture tells us that when two people are married, they become one. Barry and I were truly one. And the day he died, a piece of me died. Now, I have to relearn how to live life without him. I have to learn how to again walk before the Lord in the land of the living.
Today is May 5. It has been two months since Barry died. And today, my sweet baby girl finally took her first steps. They were shaky and unconfident. She only took about 4 steps before she fell. And then, she tried again.
I am amazed at how the Lord gently speaks to me. I am amazed at his grace and mercy. I think it is no accident that Layla took her first steps today. It was God's gentle way of reminding me that though I feel like my legs have been amputated and I have no business walking in the land of the living, he will help me learn to walk again. He has saved my soul from death through the death of His Son. I will stop crying one day. And though tragedy has caused me to stumble, I can and will walk again - with confidence.
By the end of the week, I'm sure Layla will be walking all over this house. And then she will run. It may take me a little longer, but I have faith that I too will be walking again soon. And because of the faithfulness and generosity of God, one day I will run.
1 comment:
Charity, I am so blessed by the faith and wisdom that God has given you. I will never view tragedy with the hopelessness that I once did. Though I walk through this with you in such a small and distant way compared to your close friends and family, your journey has already impacted me in profound ways. Even the day to day fear I was once plagued with has been greatly diminished, in part, because of what God has taught me through you. Thank you, thank you for making yourself vulnerable during a season in which you could easily have done the opposite.
I love you sister.
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