Not Sleeping In Their Bed - Again

My mom and dad will not be sleeping in their bed tonight. In fact, they haven't slept in their bed for the last several nights. They are sleeping at my great-grandfather's house. His wife passed away last week and they are staying with him to take care of him. They will feed him, clean the house, give him his medicine and begin the process of helping him deal with all the legal and financial issues that come after the death of a spouse. They will cry with him, hold him, read the Bible to him and pray over him.  

I know they will do all of these things because I have seen them do this before for someone else - for me. When Barry passed away, my parents stayed with us for two weeks. They fed me, cleaned my house, got up with the kids each morning and played with them during the day. They went with me to the funeral home, met with the lawyer with me, helped me fill out countless legal and financial forms and helped me pay the bills. They cried with William and I, held us, read the Bible to us and prayed over us.  

Eight months later, my mom still calls me every night to check on me and tell me she loves me. My dad comes over and takes care of the yard. (He even came over to kill a monstrous spider in my herb garden once. Don't judge me - it was huge. You would have called your daddy too if were in your backyard...) They keep my kids once a week so I can have a break and rest. They help me when I have financial questions. They have walked with me through this tragedy in a way that has helped me to feel safe and loved.  And they did all of this while grieving themselves.

There are no words to convey the depth of gratitude I feel towards my parents. They have shown over and over again what it means to truly love someone. They are a beautiful example of humility, sacrificial love and faithfulness. They work harder than anyone I know. And they do all of this, not just for me, but for so many.  

Their actions are not birthed out of obligation. They do not act to earn the favor of man. Their actions are birthed out of a genuine love for Jesus and their desire to see him glorified in the lives of everyone they know. Every time they serve another, they do so with the hope that that person will either come to know Jesus as Savior or come to love and trust Him more deeply.

Tonight will be a long night for my parents. They will get up numerous times to help a widow. There will be little sleep, lots of work and lots of tears. But my great-grandfather will feel deeply loved during one of the hardest seasons of his life. And those of us watching will be challenged to love others sacrificially. Like they do. Like Jesus loves us.

I want to love people like my parents love people. I want to love my children like my parents love their children. I look forward to the day that I can serve them the way that they have served so many.  

Meet Mallory

This is my sweet friend Mallory. I have know Mal for almost 7 years. We met by chance when she and her husband joined our small group. Barry and I instantly connected with them and we have some pretty strange stories from the first year we knew them. They later helped us plant Providence Church. Most people don't know this, but the reason we planted Providence in the neighborhood we did had a lot to do with Mallory and her husband.  

Mallory is a friend that has taught me what loyalty and grace look like played out in real life. She has one of the sweetest, purest hearts of anyone I know. And she is one of those friends that you could go a year without seeing and when you reconnect, it's like you just saw her yesterday. Mallory has always been one of those people I dearly loved and deeply trusted. But in the last 7 months, she has outdone herself.

The night Barry went into the hospital is a blur for me. I don't remember a ton. But I do remember calling Mallory around 5pm, sobbing, telling her I needed to bring her my kids so I could go to  the hospital. (Mal lives down the street from me.) I didn't tell her what was going on, I didn't even tell her who was hurt. I made absolutely no sense on the phone. When I pulled up to her house a few minutes later, Mallory was waiting on the curb. She took my kids without asking any questions. I asked her to watch my kids for a couple of hours. She ended up watching them for three days. She fed them, clothed them, and took William to school without any help or information from me. She stepped in and cared for my children for me while my world fell apart. And in the midst of caring for four children, all three-years-old and younger, she was at the hospital to hug me just minutes after Barry passed away.  

In the days, weeks and months after losing Barry, Mallory ministered to me in very tangible and consistent ways. She prayed for me constantly. She called and emailed me to let me know she cared and didn't stop, even when I didn't answer or respond. She has been someone who I could call or text in the middle of the night to say I was struggling and she wouldn't ask for details or information, she would just grieve with me. She would cry with me. She faithfully watched my kids for me each week for 4 months so I could go to counseling. She cooks me meals. She brought me flowers on Mother's Day. She made a piece of art with the verse that I have clung to during this process on it for my birthday. Her husband has come over to help with home repairs. Mallory has been a true friend and a safe place for me to grieve.  

My goal in telling you this is not to make much of Mallory. Although she is awesome. My goal in telling you this is to show you some of the many ways that God has carried me through this tragedy. He has used my sweet friend to remind me that He will meet my needs and to show me that I am not alone.  

When I post things on this blog, I think of two audiences: 1.those who are grieving and 2. those who are, or one day will be, walking with someone who is grieving. If you fall into group number 2, I hope that you will remember Mallory's example and be a blessing for those who are hurting.  

How to Help Your Grieving Friend

A few weeks after losing Barry, I came across Molly Piper's blog.  She has an amazing story.  She also has amazing resources for helping a grieving friend.  Molly wrote 11 articles on what those who are grieving experience and how to help them.  As I read these articles, I found myself over and over again saying, "Yup.  That's me.  That's exactly how I feel.  That's exactly what I need."  

Take the time to read her words.  You never know when God will give you an opportunity to minister to the hurting world around you.  

http://mollypiper.com/   (The article links are on the right side)

I have been blessed to walk this road of grief with some amazing friends.  To those of you who have brought me meals, cleaned my house, mowed my lawn, helped me with home maintenance and watched my kids as I've gone ot counseling - THANK YOU!  I would be an absolute mess without you.  You have brought much glory to the Father through your service.  

"Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers,  you did it to me.’" Matthew 25:37-39