"For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling; I will walk before the LORD in the land of the living." Psalm 116:8&9

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


Time for a confession: I have not cooked a meal since Barry died. Yes, you read that correctly. I have not cooked a meal in almost 5 months. I know there are lots of people in the world who do not cook. I am not one of them. I love to cook. My mom started teaching me how to cook in elementary school. But for the past 5 months, I simply have had no desire to cook.

Now, there are some things you should know. When Barry passed away, the lovely women of Providence Church set up a meal schedule for me. Someone brought a meal to me everyday for the month of March. In April, I got 3 meals a week. In May, two meals. And during the months of June and July, I have gotten one meal a week. And these ladies are generous. Often times, the meals I receive can feed us for several days. (When you're only feeding one adult and 2 small kids, food can go a long way.) My sister and her husband also come over once a week to have dinner with the kids and I and they usually brig a meal with them. So, there has been no shortage of food in the Keldie house.

But, to be honest, cooking has also been a sad reminder of what I have lost. Everything I cooked was centered around Barry. The kids would be happy eating peanut butter sandwiches, chicken nuggets and fruit everyday. It is also strange to cook a meal for just me, when I have never, ever done that. In college, I cooked for roommates. I married Barry less than a month after graduating. So, I've always cooked for two or more. Cooking for one just sucks. So, I haven't had the motivation or desire to cook.

Sunday night, I decided it was time to cook again. I would love to say that I made a creative dinner for my kids and I, but that would be a lie. I waited until they went to bed to cook - I've learned to take things one step at a time for now. Juggling 2 small kids while cooking dinner at the end of a long day will be something I accomplish next week (or next month). I made my go-to meal of spaghetti and meat sauce. Nothing tricky or fancy for the first meal. I did use fresh herbs from my garden though!  

Dinner was decent. It did take a lot longer to make than it used to - I guess it will come more quickly with practice. But for me, I made one more small step on my journey of learning how to live life again. And it felt good. Now, if only someone would come and clean my kitchen...


blogisthenewtext said...

I'm glad Mom taught us how to cook. But we've only ever known how to cook for 4. Before I married Jeff, I just ate the same meal for 4 days. By that time, you don't want to see that meal again for months.
I'm proud of you for cooking! I made the go-to spaghetti meal last night. That's the Shelton blood in us.
I love you. We'll be over Thursday night to clean the kitchen =)

Christine said...

Yes, I understand this too. My love for cooking is slow to rekindle. I used to make homemade dinner rolls and bread. I would time it just right so the bread was still warm but ready to eat with melted butter when Jim walked in the door from work. I have made bread and rolls a few times each year. But it is hard, like you said, we centered meals around our husbands.